Word limits were overrated anyway.

Personality surveys.

You can't tell me that somewhere deep down you don't get this thrill of expectation whenever you do some nugatory questionnaire to ascertain your personal traits, strengths and weaknesses. To me, it seems very Sisyphean to insist on spending what little time you have bumbling around on this Earth filling your head with generic balderdash with about as much authenticity as the Zodiac horoscope readings.

But I guess it's pretty efficacious in assuaging the harsh realities of mortality by making humankind believe that our personal quirks and idiosyncrasies actually mean something while we're alive. Because heaven knows that my alleged ability to problem solve is unique to me and that being caring and understanding is something that only I could possibly be capable of based on the quality of my answers.

Suddenly, BAM - I should be a doctor. It makes sense. All these answers have made it so clear to me. How could I not see it before? Problem solving? Check. Caring? Check. Understanding? Check.

Excuse me, I'll be back shortly. I'm just filling in my first job application on the NHS website. Qualifications? Personality survey. Relevant work experience? Good at concentrating for extended periods of time, as proven by filling in the quiz. Why should I get the job? The quiz said I have all the relevant attributes and I learn fast. I also believe everything I read so you won't have any trouble with me.

Come on, guys. Please? Get your shit together. It pains me to believe that there are still people out there gullible enough to believe half the shit that's posted on the internet. These are the same people who expect things to be handed to them on a silver platter with little or no input of their own and yet half the time, it's these idiots who succeed because the public lap up morons like that and are completely oblivious to the fact that without the smart, logical folk running everything else in the background, they'd be nothing again.

And what frustrates me the most is that we just sit back and let it happen! Like it's the natural order! Our country isn't the only one guilty of suffering from this giant, self-inflicted migraine but the flat out refusal to take any painkillers is baffling. Sleeping it off has proven fruitless time and time again. As Albert Einstein said: insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This country is going insane.

Yet, I find myself, every once in a while, bored amongst such a wealth of information and resources and I slip into a stupor.  Like a recovering alcoholic, every once in a while, I find myself scratching and itching for a subtle release - just one drink and I'll be fine, right? Sure. And so I go searching, every once in a while, for something to give me that little buzz, that little kick, that little shot from a needle in the arm and I still don't know why. Maybe I'm one of them? Maybe the idiots are right all along.

All I know is that, every once in a while, I fall guiltily back into my degrading, depression-relieving routine and scrounge despairingly for my one true pick-me-up:

Personality surveys.

Be phenomenal.

I implore you all to watch the video I have linked as a source of inspiration and motivation to be successful and do whatever you want to do.

Yes, it's a little over fourteen minutes long and some parts may not be entirely relevant to your current situation but there are a couple of fantastic anecdotes and quotes to knock your wee cotton socks off and I promise you will be able to take something away from this video.

Just watch it. I dare you. And then watch it again.

Click here for the youtube video

"Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute, or an hour, or a day, or even a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever."

Right on. Write off.

There are most definitely some lessons to be learnt from last night's unorthodox shenanigans.

First of all - don't pre-drink two bottles of cheap wine in ninety minutes.

Actually, that's pretty much the only thing I learnt from last night.

On the flip side, I get another chance to enjoy Shrewsbury for the first time next time I go there.

You see? Always look for the positives.

Uncertainsea.

This week has been somewhat of a curious week already. It's difficult to put my finger on my true emotions right now - not that any of that bears any relevance to your precious little lives at all - but I guess somewhere deep down I know you're just dying to know that somebody, somewhere, somehow is troubled too. You must be troubled. Why else would you be here?

A sober blog post.

I'm not sure what the world has come to. I haven't even had so much as a hot beverage since I've been home, just pint after pint of water. Though with the incessant wall-banging from next door's minions reverberating through the plaster I feel as though a room-temperature refreshment wouldn't really go amiss. That tactic is probably more acceptable than Hulk-smashing the wall down and throttling their spawn. Societal etiquette is such a bummer.

I've been sober for eighteen whole hours now!

Time to rejoice: I can do this! I want to thank everyone for this accomplishment. You didn't judge me when we made that awkward eye contact and I'm ever so grateful. I know you'd never judge me. It doesn't even matter if you didn't even know, because... Ah fuck it, I'm not even an addict, what am I saying? I suppose I'm addicted to life right now, my body flat out refuses to collapse just yet and my mind keeps telling me that food is good. Damnit.

I think I'll try for a new record after this celebratory one.

There is literally no point to this blog post, as usual. I spent a weekend breaking my arms over someone else's furniture and then watched my U8s trudge lethargically to a fairly convincing 5-2 win. Most important I went cruising, as I like to say. And you know when you're driving along a familiar road and suddenly you see a turning you haven't spied before and part of you really wants to explore but you didn't bring your satnav?

It's lucky that I'm pretty good at navigation but I'm not sure I'm ready for that adventure. Road trips are tough. I wish they were all as hallucinogenic as Hunter S. Thompson's though. I quite fancy something intoxicating for a change.

Ahh, a sea of uncertainty. Someone remind me how to swim.